Have you taken the test to determine what your love language is? There’s a book written by Gary Chapman called “The 5 Love Languages” and if you make your way to his website you can take the test to learn your love language for free.
The five love languages defined by Gary Chapman are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. Once you discover your personalized love language it has the power to change all of your relationships.
If you are in a romantic relationship you can take the test with your significant other to learn the ways in which communicating and caring for your partner is best received and most appreciated.
But it’s not only a tool for those who are in romantic relationships. Knowing the love language of your friends, parents, children and co-workers can greatly improve the relationships you have with them.
However I believe that this test’s most important use is to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself. By understanding the love language that you speak, it will be easier for you to meet your own self care and self love needs.
Words of Affirmation
This language uses affirming words to feel loved.
Words are important to you. Your thoughts and how you speak to yourself are perfect opportunities to create a better relationship with yourself.
Positive talk is an extremely effective practice. Replace thoughts like “I don’t know” with “I’ll figure it out” and “I can’t do this” with “I can do this” and “I suck” with “I’m trying my best”.
You’ll be surprised with how these small changes can make you feel better.
Write some kind messages to yourself. Writing little notes to yourself and leaving them all over the place (your bathroom mirror, fridge, laptop, inside your wallet) can be another great way to remind you to be nicer to yourself. Examples can be things like You’re Doing Great, Check You Out, Your Potential Is Endless, or You Got This. I have a post it on my hair dryer that says “Hey hot stuff”.
Change your lock screen to an affirmation or an inspirational quote that puts you in a good mood. If you need some suggestions, head over to my Pinterest board, “Self Love Words”.
Verbal positive affirmations are helpful too. This requires you to speak positive words aloud to yourself. Saying “I love you” or “I am beautiful” when you look at yourself in the mirror can be very powerful in helping raise your self esteem.
Acts of Service
This language requires action to feel loved.
Do meaningful things for yourself. Infuse your ordinary daily tasks with a little extra love. This is about going the extra mile for yourself. It may be hard to think about how you can perform acts of service to yourself but I think it’s as simple as putting effort into something now that you will benefit from later.
Challenge yourself to try cooking something new. Buy fresh, delicious ingredients. When you eat your meal you will be filled with extra satisfaction and love. It’s also a great way to introduce something new into your diet.
Take some time to write in your journal about your day before you go to bed. This is a great way to de-stress. It will also help you sleep because you’ve taken everything out of your mind and written it down. Plus you get the added enjoyment of documenting your daily adventures which are super fun to read every once in a while.
Keep your creative space organized. Throw away clutter, decorate it in your favourite colours, put up an inspiration board or tack your bucket list to your cork board so that you can always see it. This will help to make spending time doing work more exciting and like less of a chore.
What have you always wanted to learn? Take some locally offered classes in cooking, speaking Spanish, ballroom dancing, photography, woodworking or whatever interests you. Invest in your hobbies a little more if you’ve just been dabbling in them. Take the plunge by buying new equipment, make yourself a website and offer your services to others, or just start sharing your work with more people.
Keep your beauty appointments scheduled in advance. Next time you are at the hairdressers or the nail salon book your next visit. That way it’ll come around without you having to fret over it. Plus it gives you something to look forward to.
Schedule your health appointments in advance too. Health is so important and you’ll thank yourself for keeping up with your teeth cleaning and physicals.
Investing in yourself is the key ingredient for those who's love language is acts of service.
This language uses gifts to feel loved
If receiving gifts is your love language don’t feel as though it’s all about spending money on material goods. It’s also about the small and thoughtful gestures.
Buy yourself flowers. Don’t wait for someone else to buy them for you. This small gift can put a smile on your face whenever you walk into a room.
When you are buying material goods only buy what brings you joy. That way you will always be surrounded in things you adore. Remember this next time you shop: If you don’t LOVE it, don’t BUY it.
Give yourself the gift of experience and try something new. What is on that bucket list that has been staring at you for years? Why not treat yourself to a new adventure. Skydiving? Riding in a hot air balloon? Getting a tattoo? Being a tourist in your own city? Visiting a new country? Running a marathon?
Paying for experiences can be even more valuable than physical items because the memories will last a lifetime.
This language needs attention to feel loved
Spending quality time with yourself can be hard especially when you live with a partner or roommate or have children. Carving out some extra time for just you is important. If you can manage to get some alone time in the house here are some things you can try.
Meditation is very simple and it can be incredibly rewarding. Those who’s love language is quality time would highly benefit from this practice as it helps to quiet the mind and allows you to be present with yourself. Five to ten minutes a day is all you need. At first you may struggle with it, quieting the mind is not exactly an easy task. Just try to focus on your breath. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the breath. Before you know it, you’ll be finished and you’ll feel relaxed and recharged. You’ll walk away with a little more room in your head.
Something else you can do is play some of your favourite music and dance to it. This will take you out of your head and get you into your body. Let loose! It doesn’t matter what you look like, skill or not, having fun is the key here. Hanging out with yourself and pretending you are in your favourite artist’s music video with hair brush in hand is the name of the game.
If you would rather get out of the house to enjoy your quality time then I highly suggest going on a solo date. Take yourself to the movies, see a show at the theatre or go out to dinner and have that glass of wine. Get dressed up as if someone spectacular was taking you out. Because someone spectacular is taking you out. You.
Taking a solo trip is another great idea for spending quality time with yourself. See a neighbouring city or town. Drive for hours in a direction you’ve never gone before. You learn a lot about yourself when you are forced to make quick decisions and act spontaneously.
When you feel exhausted and stressed, take a day or two to rejuvenate yourself. You can rent a cabin in the woods and recharge with nature or have a day trip to the spa and get a massage. If you feel run down you are not going to perform as well as you can. Take the time to ensure you are firing on all cylinders.
This language requires physical touch to feel loved
Those whose love language is physical touch are the touchy feely type. They love to hold hands and hug and be physically close to others. But how can you replicate this with yourself?
It’s all about the body.
Soak in a hot bath. Try using epsom salts, lavender scented bubbles or a fizzy bath bomb. This can be ultra soothing. Afterwards lather yourself with rich moisturizers. You won’t be able to help but touch your soft skin!
Keep the dead skin cells from clogging your beautiful skin. Not just on your face but your entire body. Exfoliation once a week should keep your skin feeling refreshed and soft. Plus it will give you that healthy glow.
Stretch those muscles. Stress lives in the body and is one of the greatest causes of illness. Stretching can reduce stress. If you take a couple minutes before you start your day to stretch out your neck, arms and legs you’ll get the blood pumping. This helps with preventing muscle strains. At the end of the day, reach down towards your toes and let your head hang. Only go as far as you don’t feel any pain. This will relieve the days tension and help you sleep.
Physical touch doesn’t only need to happen in your bathroom. Why not hang out naked around the house? This might scare some, but I wrote an article on 3 Ways To Show Your Skin Some Love to help you understand some of the benefits of this act. For those who’s love language is physical touch, it can be so rewarding to spend time with the air on your skin and you can take time to look in the mirror at your whole self.
When you touch yourself you can give thanks to that body part for all that it has done for you like this: Thank you thighs for always keeping me strong and sturdy, Thank you to my back for always bending and never breaking or Thank you dear shoulders for carrying everything and making it look so easy.
Once you discover your Self Love Language it becomes easier to make yourself feel good. There are many ideas in this list that may work for you but depending on your love language, some will work better than others. Use any of the ideas listed above and feel free to experiment and come up with some of your own. I encourage everyone to try two things from their list and see how it makes them feel.
I would love it if you could comment if you have any revelations by doing this.